Success varies from person to person. It often refers to having achieved one’s goals in life. For middle-aged gay men, success might mean differently. It could mean having eradicated internalized gay ageism and being able to embrace life’s wonders with positivity.
Due to several impediments that put midlife gay men into stressful situations, positive aging makes it a challenge. Negative stereotypes and stressors in the community continue to exist, such as one’s physical capabilities, beauty, and vigor. However, it doesn’t mean happiness and successful adaptation to old age are out of reach.
According to an article published by Dr. Harold Kooden, “Successful Aging in the Middle-Aged Gay Man,” focusing on the elimination of internalized ageism and the development of a positive attitude towards aging play essential roles in creating a human developmental model, which is a necessary factor for successful aging at midlife. This blog explores what makes aging for older gay men successful.
Reaching Milestones as a Middle-Aged Gay Man
As one reaches midlife, one becomes bombarded with uncomfortable changes that may spark fear and isolation. It is a transitional era of someone’s life where relationships, appearances, and health change. Hence, it is expected to feel dread at such a stage. Adding to the dilemma are impractical expectations. Contrary to the East, Western societies hold on to youth more tightly. As midlifers discover, their knees may not work as well as before, and anxieties regarding one’s beauty may arise. Among the LGBTQIA+ community, these negative feelings may turn to a phenomenon known as ‘internalized gay ageism, where one feels denigrated or depreciated because of aging, often due to societal pressures and stereotypes.
Coming out teaches the younger gay community essential lessons in dealing with challenges that they can use for successful aging. GOLDEN MEN: The Power of Gay Midlife (2022) by Dr. Harold Kooden is a book that embraces and celebrates gay men as they age. It is geared towards men who have already come out and are now in their midlife. As it aims to promote the beauty of the golden years, it can serve as a powerful tool and guide for middle-aged gay men to eliminate internalized gay ageism, which has become pervasive in today’s culture and often glorifies youth.
Dr. Kooden believes successful aging is a lifelong process with no specific start or end point. His book explores the development of skills that people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and racial identities can utilize. GOLDEN MEN acknowledges the needs of older gay men and allows them to recognize how to accept themselves and know their self-value by seeking validation from people who envision a positive future.
Enhancement Tasks for Healthy Aging
Middle-aged gay men need functional systems that will help them care for themselves and their resources for their long-term security. Gay men often struggle with body image issues. Successful aging means accepting one’s body and its various parts without passing judgment on them. Therefore, they need to do something to educate themselves so they may be aware of how to mitigate age-related ailments to enjoy their aging lives to the maximum.
Everyone has an inherent need to belong in a space where each person can be his true self. Older gays seek purpose and meaning beyond themselves. Engaging in LGBTQIA+ communities with younger gay men is relevant to improving their personal value systems. There is strength in feeling connected and accepted in a community whose members are like them.
Professionals and service providers need to continuously educate themselves so they can understand and validate the unique needs of gay men. With society’s professional and communal support, successful aging for middle-aged gay men becomes a right.
Success at any age is a complex concept requiring more than physical strength. It can only be attained once one learns to heal from pain, forgive, and let go of blinding expectations. It is paramount for older gay men to let go of the constrictions that prevent their growth and ultimate sense of fulfillment. This is synonymous with being realistic about others and accepting that life is imperfect. In a grander scope, letting go means embracing the blessings and challenges of living. Accepting that eventual death is part of their well-lived life is also a meaningful part of successful aging.
GOLDEN MEN: The Power of Gay Midlife (2022) by Harold Kooden, Ph.D., is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Its lessons, exercises, and principles transcend gender and age. For more information about Dr. Kooden, visit his official website: https://www.haroldkooden.com/ or contact him directly at [email protected].
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References:
Successful Aging in the Middle-Aged Gay Man (A Contribution to Developmental Theory)
GOLDEN MEN: The Power of Gay Midlife (2022)