Aging is a natural process that brings about both benefits and challenges. While many would prize it as a testament to one’s wisdom gained from experiences, its inescapable process entails negativity and predispositions, often resulting in a midlife misspent in self-loathing and despair.
Aging can be an issue for most people regardless of one’s race and sexual orientation, but for gay men, getting old can be an unforgiving and complicated affair. Many gay men share similar concerns about the natural aging process due to our youth-obsessed culture, especially prevalent in gay male communities.
Renowned gay psychotherapist Dr. Harold Kooden wrote GOLDEN MEN: The Power of Gay Midlife (2022) to help gay men with the process of successfully aging into midlife AND BEYOND. The book explores the development of skills everyone can apply in their lives, regardless of age, race, or sexual orientation. It SPECIFICALLY seeks to eradicate internalized gay ageism to age successfully throughout the life cycle BY RECOGNIZING WHAT SKILLS HAVE BEEN LEARNED IN THE COMING OUT PROCESS.
This blog delves into the topic of how older gay men can SUCCESSFULLY come to terms with the inevitability of aging THROUGH THE PRACTICAL advice tailored to gay men in midlife —MANY OF THESE LESSONS ARE APPLICABLE TO ALL, REGARDLESS OF GENDER, SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR RACE. AS THEY NAVIGATE THIS NEW PHASE OF LIFE, THEY LEARN THAT THESE YEARS CAN ALSO BE VIBRANT AND FULFILLING YEARS.
A Golden Guide for Successful Aging
What does it mean to age gracefully? According to Dr. Kooden, successful aging is an ongoing process in which we utilize learned skills to progress at each stage. He sees successful aging as a lifelong journey without a definite beginning or end. In addition to guiding middle-aged gay men on successful aging, the book also presents Dr. Kooden’s original theory on aging. HE PRESENTS ASPECTS OF THE GAY EXPERIENCE WHICH HAVE NOT BEEN RECOGNIZED.
GOLDEN MEN delves into the profound lessons and experiences that equip gay men to successfully navigate middle age and beyond. THERE ARE sequential exercises THATpave the way for successful aging AND MATURATION, offering a unique exploration of the coming-out process and its significance for a fulfilling lifetime. Though originally written and published in 2000 for gay men, the subsequent public response has shown that the exercises and the principles of aging in Dr. Kooden’s book apply to all people.
The book explores the central theme of internalizED ageism in ourselves. Dr. Kooden explains that when it happens, people INTERNALIZE THESE negatives , which affect one’s mental and physical health. GOLDEN MEN DEMONSTRATES HOW TO GET RID of internalized GAY ageism, THUS encouraging gay men and everyone else to celebrate one’s self.
Aging with Grace
It’s normal to feel the jitters that come with aging, especially if you are gay. It could be scary and rough but know that you are not alone, and there are things you can do to age gracefully. The following are a few of them, BESIDES DOING THE SEQUENTIAL EXERCISES IN THIS BOOK.
- Exercise and Eat Healthy
Aging brings physical changes, but they don’t have to be discomfort and disability. While not all illnesses are avoidable, many physical challenges associated with aging can be overcome or significantly reduced by exercising, eating well, and caring for yourself. Choose foods that will help your body prevent unwanted diseases.
- Spend Quality Time with Family and Friends
Not all gay men grow old with partners. It could lead to loneliness, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember, there is more to learn and cherish about life, even as you age. Spend quality time with your family OF FRIENDS by doing things you enjoy together. Pass down what you have learned through the years to the younger generation, whether a time-tested wisdom or a valuable skill.
- Offer Help to the Community
Get involved in organizations that are working to make that change happen. It doesn’t have to be an LGBTQIA+ community as long as you’re happy. If you can find a group of gay men seeking the same wisdom as you do, gather around with Dr. Kooden’s book and learn from the key points it presents.
Find a community of like-minded individuals filled with people who are not self-focused but group-focused, working to improve things for everyone. Reach outside yourself and offer help to those who need it most.
- Be Honest, Hopeful, and Positive
Don’t punish yourself for being older. Accept yourself at any age by seeing who you are and what you value. The world is already brimming with negativities; be a source of hope by approaching life with a positive vision.
If you are a middle-aged gay man or someone challengingly embracing your golden years, gather strength and inspiration with GOLDEN MEN: The Power of Gay Midlife (2022) by Harold Kooden, Ph.D. The book is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Learn more about Dr. Kooden by visiting his website: https://www.haroldkooden.com/ OR CONTACTING HIM DIRECTLY AT [email protected].
References:
Gay Men and Aging
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-sex-and-relationships/202103/gay-men-and-aging
S12:EP12 Dr. Harold Kooden | Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife 2022 (Daily Spark TV)
How to Embrace Aging as a Gay Man